Story Ideas - Re-write
After getting some feedback on my story idea I chose to re-write to try and develop it further.
Story Idea - Re-write
A young girl and her father, a light house keeper, are out fishing at sea and all seems fine. However, when they are going back to shore a storm suddenly appears and the boat hits the rocks throwing them both out in to the sea.
Years later, in the present, we see that the girl has survived the accident and has now grown up. She is seen standing in front of her father’s grave showing that he didn’t survive, it is also shown that she has become a light house keeper herself to carry on his memory and to protect others from the same fate. However, the grief of her loss is still with her as she now spends all of her days and nights locked away in her light house on her own with none to talk to.
However, a young man appears at her door one day and introduces himself as having moved into the old fisherman’s cottage by the shore. He tries to befriend her, commenting that he thought that she might be lonely like he is, along with trying to give her a flask of homemade soup but she pushes him away.
The man goes back to his cottage and sets to work in his kitchen making more soup, for his own lunch or dinner, with his blender. However, as he is working away he doesn’t notices the sparks that are coming from the power socket.
Sometime later the light house keeper steps out of her home once again only to find that the flask has been left at her door. Annoyed by this she grabs the flask and plans to pour out the soup on to the floor but just as she is about to do this she catches something out of the corner of her eye. To her horror she sees the fisherman’s cottage is on fire.
Quickly making her way down to the cottage she sees that the man is still inside and attempts to save him but as she is about to run in to the building she catches a look at a bust of flames and they remind her of the waves that claimed her Father’s life. Fighting back the memory the light house keeper runs in and pulls out the man.
A few days later the light house keeper is shown standing in front of a grave once again. It is shown that it is still her father’s only this time the young man is with her and that she has finely accepted him in to her life. As the two head home the young man makes a joke that he hopes that the new blender doesn’t try to kill him to which the light house keeper jokes she’ll be there if it does.
I think you're very much onto something here, Rhia - though to be honest, I think the ending could be much simpler and more visual: so - we see the girl before the grave again - it's a close shot, so we just see her in the frame - then, as the camera tracks backwards slowly, we see the young man's hand come into shot to hold hers and the camera continues to track out to show them standing together, holding hands. Job done.
ReplyDeleteHmmm - I just wonder if there might be something more satisfyingly 'cause and effect' between the food blender and the reason for it sparking; with the lighthouse setting, it just seems that storms etc are a part of the mise-en-scene - there's something a bit too 'cheap' about the blender just bursting into flames in order to service the plot - I think this bit needs a bit more thought.
just thought - maybe it's better if, the father left the lighthouse in order to go and save a wrecked ship, but never came back - hence the idea that 'intervention' and getting involved in other people's problems only brings the opportunity for pain - so the girl says in her 'ivory tower' - a sort of passive guardian of others - so when she decided to intervene in the burning house, it means a bit more psychologically and symbolically?
ReplyDeleteI guess something like that could work. I had it in my mind that she is driven to help people, but not get emotionally involved, as she knowns what its like for none to help her.
DeleteI'm getting the feelling that I'm re-telling the story of Rapunzel.