After getting some feedback on my story idea I chose to re-write to try and develop it further. Story Idea - Re-write A young girl and her father, a light house keeper, are out fishing at sea and all seems fine. However, when they are going back to shore a storm suddenly appears and the boat hits the rocks throwing them both out in to the sea. Years later, in the present, we see that the girl has survived the accident and has now grown up. She is seen standing in front of her father’s grave showing that he didn’t survive, it is also shown that she has become a light house keeper herself to carry on his memory and to protect others from the same fate. However, the grief of her loss is still with her as she now spends all of her days and nights locked away in her light house on her own with none to talk to. However, a young man appears at her door one day and introduces himself as having moved into the old fisherman’s cottage by the shore. He tries to befriend her, ...
Hey Rhia - congrats on getting this out: so this is my feedback re. a few simple things to tighten everything up. Right now many of your framings are clipping the Moon's head-piece or the king's crown or the tips of their fingers and so on. This should never happen in any shot and I think you need to move your camera and compositions around ensuring that your characters are always framed with such a way as everything looks much more composed, considered and purposeful. It might be for example moving the camera so we're looking slightly down or slightly up - but whatever choices you make, the framing of your characters needs to be better - with no accidental clipping. It will make such a difference to the professionalism of your camera work if you always ensure the framing of each character is always as confident as possible: I'm not talking about the 'over the shoulder' shots - because the focus is on the other character being looked at, but when you've got a character on screen by themselves, you need to ensure they are framed less scrappily - it will be worth it. In addition to this principle, I think you could add gentle 'pushes in' and 'pushes out' in terms of your camera - so when we're looking at the two characters for example, the camera tracks very gently towards them - I think you will find that keeping the camera moving softly and simply like this in your shots will add another layer of life to your film - a sense of things being in motion.
ReplyDeleteI think you need to create a bit more space at the front of your film - so start with some black or whatever, then bring up the title, and then fade up the image and then fade out the title. I feel like your film began before I was ready - and it feels a bit rushed to me...