After getting some feedback on my story idea I chose to re-write to try and develop it further. Story Idea - Re-write A young girl and her father, a light house keeper, are out fishing at sea and all seems fine. However, when they are going back to shore a storm suddenly appears and the boat hits the rocks throwing them both out in to the sea. Years later, in the present, we see that the girl has survived the accident and has now grown up. She is seen standing in front of her father’s grave showing that he didn’t survive, it is also shown that she has become a light house keeper herself to carry on his memory and to protect others from the same fate. However, the grief of her loss is still with her as she now spends all of her days and nights locked away in her light house on her own with none to talk to. However, a young man appears at her door one day and introduces himself as having moved into the old fisherman’s cottage by the shore. He tries to befriend her, ...
Hi Rhia. I hate to be that guy but its called "Pre-Viz" :)
ReplyDeleteD'oh! This is what happens when I post things half a sleep, thanks.
DeleteHi Rhia - well done on getting to this stage - I think you've got some missed opportunities here in terms of camera POV and stronger compositions - for example at 37 sec you've got a big gap between the cell and the 'eye' - which looks weak compositionally; if you were to lower the camera and position it a bit behind the cell - so the camera is 'looking up' at the eye - you'll make for a better shot, and also a greater sense that the audience 'is' feeling what the cell is feeling as it arrives at the checkpoint. @57 secs, you've chopped the screen in half - the line between the doors is almost exactly dividing the screen in too - if you were to move the camera to the right and compose the shot so there isn't that great big half of 'nothing' on the left, this would be a better shot straight away. I think you need to look at every single shot you've composed in our pre-vis and just make sure that every shot is making the best use of composition and that you've not got lots of big empty spaces that aren't telling us anything. This isn't a comment designed to send you into a panic - it's a comment made possible by your pre-vis, which is the point of pre-vis, so look again at how you're filling/using the frame and ensure you're composing your shots dynamically.
ReplyDelete(I also think that your cell could travel a little quicker along the conveyor - you risk making the audience impatient if it takes too long each time).
Thanks Phil, I know I need to clean up the animation and cameras a bit so I'll get on it ASAP. I also had a bit a problem with the cell half way so I had to take out all it's key frames and start again.
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